Coming to the end of 2011

What else is there to say?

Life doesn't turn out as planned, you will never expect any of this to happen.. ain't life grand!!

C'est la vie..

We go through the happiness, expecting the sadness, go through the heartaches, enjoy the miracles and the surprises.

Living life as it should be lived now, with ups and downs. Life is fun, not so healthy yet fun..

Everyones Married

Its all done.. Never want to go thru a wedding again.. EVER!! but it was fun la. seeing all the siblings huddling together for me.. hehehe

A lot of last minute arrangements though.. now is just to wait for the kids to get their turn. Thats gonna be fun..

The Last Wedding.. MINE!!

I wish mum and dad were here, they would have had more friends attending, more relatives to invite, made a bigger 'huha' out of this. But they are not, so its left to May. She's almost doing it single handedly, she deserves better. GAMBATE May..

We had a pre wedding celebration when mak and Sway chik was here last month, it completed what was partially missing. FAMILY.

Plans for the wedding..

27th August 2011 : All of us are planning to stay in Melaka before going to Air Kuning, just not sure to stay together or not.

28th August 2011 : 11am to convoy to Air Kuning for the Hantaran

2pm Wedding Lunch at Gemencheh for May's side of the family

Ends there

2nd September : Stay overnight at A'Famosa

3rd September : arrive to Air Kuning by 8.30am

Tea ceremony for May's side of family

Depart Air Kuning by 9am. Should arrive Subang Jaya by 11am

Tea ceremony for our side of the family

Dinner at Holiday Villa Subang at 7.30pm

Then it will end another chapter. Another chapter that mum and dad should be around for.

2 1 4 8

From our address, No 2 SS 14/8B, that has been our code, mine at least.

I am preparing to leave home. Our home since 1981. All our memories are here, all our experiences from here. Every corner here is mum and dad. The kitchen is mum, the garden is dad and mum, the fridge is dad, the hall is mum, curtains mum, storeroom dad.. I can go on forever, but the final is that I am still leaving this all behind.

Almost Gong Xi Fa Cai

Haiz.. Its coming to Chinese New Year season.

Just when I thought that I was getting strong, its the same feelings of loss again. Almost 1 year ago mum played ginrummy, i proposed, dad was dead tired, but the whole family was together. All of us were really together. Who would have ever figured that it was our last CNY together. No Mum, No Dad.

All these years this house has been noisy every CNY, and now this year it will be in peace. If mum and dad was to come back to visit, they wouldn't recognize it. A lifeless house, no longer the home that we all shared during CNY. Can I let this happen? What if they come back for CNY?

Already Christmas Again

I still remember last years Christmas celebration. It was WOW.. the whole family was there. it was so noisy, mum was still around. dad was healthy. Thats the best Christmas I can remember. Our last christmas as the entire family.

This year, we will keep up to the traditions, just can't help feeling empty. We are doing it all by ourselves now. Nya with Satay, Trix and Cher with soup and salad. Me with Turkey as usual. Wishing mum and dad was still around is useless. They are already gone. But I can't understand how some can let go of the sentiments so fast.

What can we do for mum and dad this Christmas?
. Be the family that they have always wanted us to be.
.. We, a family together.
... Accepting each other and our own little quirks

All of us miss you today more than any other days. This will haunt us, this will hurt us, this will give us something to talk about for our entire life.

I thought that we would at least have dad here to console for Christmas. Never expected us to be consoling ourselves.

At this very moment, I have no drive again. Like when dad passed. I just don't care for anything.

By and Gone?

It's time to move on.. and let things in the past be left there.

For a Family, Love Unconditionally. Teach the unlearned, let them be taught..

Mum and Dad would want it that way, they only want us to be together.
Can we forgive? May we forget?.. Resentment is dug into the heart, not placed into it.

Dear god. Even YOU who blots out my transgressions for YOUR own sake; and not remember my sins. Put you in rememberence; be contend together; state our case and let me be acquitted.
If you all mighty are willing to forgive, how can we not? Though i will never forget.

Learn Sid. Remember what you have been given. What Dad told you.

Final Resting

Dad and Mums final resting place.. Sounds very final, and the very end of it all. It is..

Now finally their funeral arrangements are complete, and it is still unbelievable that mum and dad are no longer with us. How did this all happen? That I cannot comprehend, it does not seem real. But it is..

Still That Tingling Inside

ORIG POST REMOVED.

Too Quick, Too Soon, But Thanks

From begining to end, it took only 25days.

Dear god, Thank you for your promptness to my prayer. Thank you for your wisdom. Thank you for your mercy. Dad is in your safe hands, at home with you and Mum. Now with your taught lesson, we will continue living, keeping safe from harm, appreciating every day as a blessed gift from you dear lord. We thank you.. Amen

Dad was well taken care of by Esther, in every way.
Emotionally as a loving daughter, a friend, a confidant,
Medically as his doctor, pharmacist and pain reliever,
Esther gave him direction and purpose when Mum was away.
THANK YOU ESTHER, you are the God Sent Angel for mum and dad. This is true. And your children the mini angels that gave Dad extra boost of happiness after mum too.

Happy Fathers Day Dad..

Dad passed away on the 20th of June 2009 at 10.50pm.

Once again I saw the last breath of a parent. Esther, Trixy, Steven, May and I were at his side. He went quite peacefully and very quickly, he chose Fathers day.

So many things happened before this, some good and some bad. I had a lot of time with dad, and spent as much of it with Dad as I could. He told me a lot in the final days, things that he had told me before, but with more meaning now. He made sure that he prepared the most important thing for us, especially me.. A home.

His last drink was Coke, and he enjoyed it.
His last fed meal was Tuna Mozarella that I FORCED fed, then he complained that I didn't give him chance to say NO.
The last conversation we had was with trix, steven and Esther.
The last acknowledgement he gave was to Ryan when they came to visit him last.

Thanks dad for everything. No father can take care of us and sacrifise for us as you have. You have done so much and there is no way to repay you now for what you have done.

( But I recited the wrong verse for you. You would have felt safer with
Even though I go thru the valley of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me )

From MUM to DAD

On 25th of May 2009, we started to find out about dads condition. Jaundiced and tired, Thank God Esther saw it.

Then after a series of check ups, we found that dad too has cancer. And of the Liver like mum. But he is strong, and has the will to fight it. Thats my dad, when the going gets tough. He gets tougher than tough. Nothing can beat dad. He is the one, the only.. THE DAD!!

Though we kids are going through a trying time, we all have the same thoughts i am sure. He is our Dad, and all that we can do we will do as he has done for us so many times. As he has done for Mum so valiantly.

Today I started to pray again. After forsaking HIM after MUM died, I have a reason to pray. This is my prayer:
Mercy dear God for Dad. Mercy dear God for Dad's family. We have forsaken you and have learnt by your will. If this is the path that we have to follow to be put in our places, I do accept. But please show mercy on us and on Dad.

Later today Dad has to go to the Sunmed for a minor surgery. We expect it to go well. But still all the same we are all worried. Also again in prayer
Dear Lord, thank you for this effort. Please protect us and give us strength.

ALL 4 + 1 MARRIED

Finally ALL we kids are married.
We are already continuing our lives. Life doesn't end because a life ends. The others alive continue living and growing and remembering.

Who we are, how we behave are the traits that you have shown to us. We are who we are because of you Mum and Dad.

Living on.. Please be there..

Mums final wish is to see me get married. I still remember it very clearly. It was on the 1st day of Chinese New Year 2009 when we were all wishing each other, when my turn came she said "I only want to see you get married" and thats when i saw the tears in her eyes and I cried too. It was the first time I saw mum cry ever in my life.

I am sorry you can't be here mum. You were there for everyones wedding and took active part in the most important time of their lives. I wish you were here now, I hope you will be here..

All the documentations are done, its now just the planning of how it will go through. I want you there, I want your support there. I want you to accompany dad there. It is a difficult time for him especially, he used to be the backbencher in the arrangements. Now he has taken lead and helping for the arrangements. This is scary-la. I told you on the day we got back from Air Kuning too, when you said "I am so happy". Its SCARY-la.

I am already feeling the missing of someone on the registration day. And its you MUM. You will not be there, but I am still hoping you will be there. It will be on the 30th of May 2009, on my birthday I will get registered, the day before your birthday. That has always been our 'special' mum, that made us the same.. I miss you mum.. Please be there.

Dad has done a good job mum. You would be proud..

Thank You All

And suddenly all is done..

Then life goes on..

At the time it seemed endless. Seeing dad taking care of mums needs, cher2, trix, May and Esther doing her dressing, preparing her medicine, taking care of her food. Trying to spend every moment possible of the day at home with her.

And then she passed, making all our time with her only memories.
Preparing for the funeral, and reliving her final moments was more difficult as those times. And with her cremation today, it all seems to be over. . ended. . finished. . done.
And life goes on.. but not completely true.

There is an enormous void in our hearts. It takes a lot of getting used to, having her there in all our best times, sharing laughs, insults, food, gambling, watching TV..

I know that we all feel it, but we are just not mentioning it.

How long will it take to get used to this? I miss mum so much..


/Some of mums students have blogged mums passing.
I thank their memories, and am very grateful to them remembering mum.


exryos.blogspot.com
leawailin.blogspot.com/
nicoletanpj.blogspot.com
sharonteoh.blogspot.com
wings-of-avalon.blogspot.com
automaticreation.wordpress.com/page/2/
malfrinko.wordpress.com/category/school-related/
ghl-stories.blogspot.com/2009/02/pn-daisy.html
malfrinko.wordpress.com/2009/02/01/my-condolences
ohmyvivian.blogspot.com/2009/01/rip-pn-daisy.html
thengseng.blogspot.com/2009/02/hearts-will-hold.html

Thank you

I did not know how to title this post at first. After many months of non update it just seems right to put it down that Mum is now with GOD. Today the 30th of January 2009, mum took her last breath and we were all with her; Dad, us 4-kids and our partners, mums sisters, nieces, nephews, friends, colleagues and even students. That's the best way to 'expel', with your family and loved ones around you.

We had a good Chinese New Year Together. We completed all her wishes. She got to play gin rummy. We made her as happy as we could.. and we will still keep her happy now. She got to see how much Dad really love her. How well she brought up cher2 and Trixy to be wonderful carers as she is. How she as a teacher is treasured and remembered. She has had a complete life, there are no regrets except for my own selfish wants to have her back.



Lord Jesus, Thank you taking her to you. Thank You for allowing us our precious moments to spend together. Thank you for I know you are taking care of her already.

Thank you Mum, for taking care of us. The perfect mother. The perfect teacher. Dads wonderful wife.

Mummy, you are gone from our presents now, but your memories will never be erased. In all your contributions to the people around you. You will be Remembered.

Many Good days have passed

1 month have gone. Octobers out the door. It has been a good month. A month of improvement, a month of learning, a month of recovery.

It turned out that the fever that mum was getting was caused by a bacteria or a virus. Its gone now, thankfully. Mum had this plastic bag with a tube hanging around her for almost the whole month. She was so uncomfortable with it.. but its gone now too. Mum looks so strong. I pray that god keeps her like this. She is fragile, and strong at the same time. We are just waiting for chemo now. Don't know how it will effect her, but now she is strong.

Dear god. thank you for your blessings till now. You have made my dad a believer, you have proven to me that you are the true god. I do not doubt your miracles, as everyday i see my mum living on, i feel your presence in them. Thank you lord.

How has life been for all of us? Trixy, Cher2 and Esther are the god sent. while nya2 have his family to think of and I just hang around i guess. I have none of the financial stability that is able to help. Though how I wish that there is something else that I could do. But now, Money is the issue and is a bit too late for me to jump in. I will do something though.. but what?

God is beside all of us. He leads us through every rough path, he lets us go through the sad and lets us realize his grace are upon us. I thank you god for this test.

THOUGHT FOR MUM

I wonder what goes thru mums mind. If she sees every last day as her last sunrise? last stroll into the garden? last touches with dad? Last conversations with us? Is she afraid? Will the last cooking recipe she gives to us the last?

I hope that doesn't go thru her head at all. Instead she should be rejoicing for the life she has had. She has touched so many students, so many friends. Her life is full of joy and blessing that she gives to those around her. If she goes, she only leaves good loving thoughts from all.

I no longer cry selfishly for her leaving. I cry for I will miss her, but if she is with HIM. I am happy.

REALISATION BUT STILL NON ACCEPTANCE?

Mum is having bouts of 38 - 40C fever. Usually at night. Cher2 and Trix have come out with a flip chart for mums condition, meals, medication. Dad still does most of the running around for mums needs. For me, its just the thought of taking care of mum. I have began to accept that mum has cancer, but still i always have hope for a miracle. And I will still do whatever I can. Emotional I am no longer(most of the times ), it is now just to work and move towards the future.

I still dread the day when we all know that will surely come.

We had our family photos today. it was tiring for mum and she had a 38C fever while waiting for all of us to get ready. But she just sat like nothing was wrong and smiled thru out the photo session. I was at the verge of shouting for them wasting time while she was weak there though. But she was happy, so it was half alright.

Mum gets her high fevers at night. Usually dad handles it alone, but last night he knocked on my door. It is tiring and sad to see dad rush like that, he is truly the HERO thru all this. I wish I could understand them and show emotions more, but I still don't feel comfortable doing it. I hope they understand.

How I want mum to recover. and feel no pain, but after the doctors visit, Its time to accept reality. It hurts, but this is life and HIS will. We will overcome it, but that doesn't mean that we won't continue to fight it all the way. Whatever it takes.. We will continue the fight.