Many Good days have passed

1 month have gone. Octobers out the door. It has been a good month. A month of improvement, a month of learning, a month of recovery.

It turned out that the fever that mum was getting was caused by a bacteria or a virus. Its gone now, thankfully. Mum had this plastic bag with a tube hanging around her for almost the whole month. She was so uncomfortable with it.. but its gone now too. Mum looks so strong. I pray that god keeps her like this. She is fragile, and strong at the same time. We are just waiting for chemo now. Don't know how it will effect her, but now she is strong.

Dear god. thank you for your blessings till now. You have made my dad a believer, you have proven to me that you are the true god. I do not doubt your miracles, as everyday i see my mum living on, i feel your presence in them. Thank you lord.

How has life been for all of us? Trixy, Cher2 and Esther are the god sent. while nya2 have his family to think of and I just hang around i guess. I have none of the financial stability that is able to help. Though how I wish that there is something else that I could do. But now, Money is the issue and is a bit too late for me to jump in. I will do something though.. but what?

God is beside all of us. He leads us through every rough path, he lets us go through the sad and lets us realize his grace are upon us. I thank you god for this test.

THOUGHT FOR MUM

I wonder what goes thru mums mind. If she sees every last day as her last sunrise? last stroll into the garden? last touches with dad? Last conversations with us? Is she afraid? Will the last cooking recipe she gives to us the last?

I hope that doesn't go thru her head at all. Instead she should be rejoicing for the life she has had. She has touched so many students, so many friends. Her life is full of joy and blessing that she gives to those around her. If she goes, she only leaves good loving thoughts from all.

I no longer cry selfishly for her leaving. I cry for I will miss her, but if she is with HIM. I am happy.

REALISATION BUT STILL NON ACCEPTANCE?

Mum is having bouts of 38 - 40C fever. Usually at night. Cher2 and Trix have come out with a flip chart for mums condition, meals, medication. Dad still does most of the running around for mums needs. For me, its just the thought of taking care of mum. I have began to accept that mum has cancer, but still i always have hope for a miracle. And I will still do whatever I can. Emotional I am no longer(most of the times ), it is now just to work and move towards the future.

I still dread the day when we all know that will surely come.

We had our family photos today. it was tiring for mum and she had a 38C fever while waiting for all of us to get ready. But she just sat like nothing was wrong and smiled thru out the photo session. I was at the verge of shouting for them wasting time while she was weak there though. But she was happy, so it was half alright.

Mum gets her high fevers at night. Usually dad handles it alone, but last night he knocked on my door. It is tiring and sad to see dad rush like that, he is truly the HERO thru all this. I wish I could understand them and show emotions more, but I still don't feel comfortable doing it. I hope they understand.

How I want mum to recover. and feel no pain, but after the doctors visit, Its time to accept reality. It hurts, but this is life and HIS will. We will overcome it, but that doesn't mean that we won't continue to fight it all the way. Whatever it takes.. We will continue the fight.

Mummy at Home and in church

Mum is relaxing at home. At last. After all the working she has done to upkeep us, we are finally taking care of her instead. We have a prayer for her.
DEAR GOD, I AM ASKING YOU TO PLEASE HELP MY MOTHER IN HER TIME OF NEED. IN YOUR WISDOM, YOU HAVE LAID HER ON THE BED OF ILLNESS AND PAIN. BE MERCIFUL TO HER MY DEAR LORD, AND IF IT BE YOUR WILL, GIVE HER RELIEF FROM HER SUFFERING. PLEASE ALLOW HER DOCTORS TO RESTORE HER TO HEALTH WITH YOUR HELP AND PLEASE ALLOW HER A STEADY IMPOVEMENT, UNTIL SHE IS ENTIRELY WELL AGAIN.
We cooked together today. Nasi Pulut and Nyonya Rendang. Yesterday was pohpia. I do not know how the others are making it through. How dad is making it through, but I am sure it is not easy for him or the others as well.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE BLESS MY ENTIRE FAMILY AND MAY FOR BEING IN THIS TIME OF NEED. GIVE THEM THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO FULFILL MUMS WISHES. GIVE THEM THE GUIDANCE TO LEAD MUM TO RECOVERY. WE ALL TIRE I AM SURE. BUT NONE OF US ARE EVER GIVING UP. PLEASE HELP US GOD.. AMEN.

We went to church today, and went for healing. Mum and I accepted Christ and was infront of the church when they prayed for us. That was when I really cried. BUT.. Trixy cried from earlier on. then Cher2 and May. The holy spirit was around all of us i guess. Though after the healing mum said she had no pain, and was quite active. Probably is because of that she feels the pain again now. I love you mum. And I am so worried for you. A part of me cannot believe this is happening, a part of me if sure that you will heal completely. A hidden part of me is ready to accept that you will be happier sitting on the lap of god. But my heart aches every night mum, everytime know you hurt. But rest easy. I will take care of dad as well as how he has taken care of you, and of us.

After the Op

The doctor who operated on Mum said that there were complications and he could not get the correct or enough samples. I am not sure what.. but cher2 and Trixy are better informed. Though the results he said is not good.

That was when I started my worrying. Mum wanted to pray. To be with Jesus, and I didn't know how to do that. The only person I could think of was Anita, so I asked for her help to pray for mum. On that day, everyone prayed for mum.. Chris, Boss, May, Anita, Lyno, Ade, Alma and of course us.. We all prayed for her in our own ways.

Then on the next day, we were told that mum could leave the hospital as there was no use staying in the hospital just to wait for the result..

Results

The day that Dr.Tan gave the results, we were all there. When he said it is probable CANCER.. mum sat up and said ' Cannot be. O-blood type are not prone to cancer'. Thats my MUM .. :D

Though strong as she was, we all know the possibilities of the doctor being correct, or incorrect. So all we could do is keep hoping for the best. It was stressful having it at the back of all our minds i m sure. Expecially for Dad. He would not let mum be alone in the hospital. He made sure he got her the best. He didn't care if he had to fight otherpatients or attendants, and i am sure with the doctors too. Just to make mum comfortable and happy while she was in the hospital. I myself had not actually accepted what the doctor said yet. It Mum.. she is the strongest person i know.. ( she can frighten dad!! haha.. )

Then mum went for an operation and was put into ICU. That was the only day that dad slept at home. It was a minor surgery, but it scared me. Mum in ICU? But seeing Cher2 at the hospital before we could go in lessened our worry. We were alright as its just SOP.

The Begining

I only found out on 30 August 208 while I was in Makassar. Mum and the others didn't want to worry me while i was there, so they only told me on the day that i was coming home. I was worried, but i knew mum had always been strong, and lived right and with cher2 and trixy there, they would make the correct decisions. I am quite care free. When I got home that day, it was too late to see mum in the hospital. So I just went the next day.

As always mum looked fine to me. Always the pillar of cool. Wasn't worried at that time at all. Coz I had already seen mum and she looked fine. Just had some tests to wait for. and that was all.